6/30/2023 – Goal-Directed Persistence
Have you ever had a great idea for a project that got you inspired and motivated; it occupied your thoughts? You talked to people about it, perhaps bought supplies, dreamed about the exciting process, the successful results, and the satisfaction of achieving your goal. You got started, and somehow, reality seeped in like morning fog across the bay. You encountered a few speed bumps along your path, the grunt work seemed more tedious than you expected, you had to sacrifice a few fun social invitations, and your goal started to look a bit farther away. Then it became even more difficult as your confidence began to wane. As a matter of fact, what was that goal again? And why did you want to do it in the first place? It sure seemed like a good idea at the time, didn’t it?
It still is a good idea. Most likely it’s a wonderful and noble goal. But every exciting and gratifying purpose in life began with difficult grunt work, was built on grunt work, grew from grunt work, succeeded because of grunt work, and is maintained with grunt work.
So how do we train a child who struggles with the Executive Functioning Skill of goal-directed persistence that grunt work will have to be done and it’s never a reason to give up? The answer is partly in the last sentence. No one wants to discourage children before the work even begins, so they are told to follow all the rules, do everything the way they are told, and they will be successful in reaching their goal. They’re not fully aware of how hard the climb is going to be.
We can’t downplay or diminish the hard work, but empathy and the right support can keep that goal front and center. Many children have difficulty with perseverance because they are told simply “Get back to work! Don’t be a quitter!” That’s neither motivating nor inspiring for anyone, but for a child who struggles with ADHD and this particular skill, those words are useless and demoralizing. Coaching children to train themselves to not lose heart is a win-win. They not only reach a goal or complete a tedious task, but they learn life lessons they will always carry with them.
Instead of saying “Do what I told you,” it can be turned into “How can we keep this interesting?” A child should not be left to figure it out on his own. That’s disheartening, and the struggle is lonely. When a child does lose heart and stops, it’s not an act of defiance. She may have lost her self-confidence and faith in her ability. He may be bitterly disappointed in what was an achievable dream that just needed the grunt work to complete. When it has happened often, frustration and disappointment have become the norm. Overcoming those must be the first priority.
Mitigating the struggles in any of the Executive Functioning Skills requires empathy, patience, and uncompromising belief in the success of the child. Parents may lose patience and are frustrated, teachers may lose patience and are frustrated, but no one is as frustrated as the child. Once the child has lost faith in himself, he desperately needs support and understanding to be able to retrieve it, or the goals will keep slipping away. Coaching, unconditional love, and constant support will help everyone reach their goals.
Learn from the Kids
Grace Notes 