When I was growing up, the back of our house had a thick wooden door that opened into the kitchen. We always locked it at night or when we were away from home. It was painted white and had windowpanes to halfway down the door with wooden window grids that my dad meticulously painted every year. When the paint had dried, I would watch him use a razor blade to scrape the paint off the glass in perfect, straight lines.
And then there was the doorknob. Ah, that almighty doorknob! It was a shiny, polished brass that my dad cleaned with a special paste, making sure to remove every spot of tarnish. On the inside of the door there was a set of Venetian blinds that could be lowered for extra security and safety or raised for sunlight and, of course, charm.
Sounds lovely, right? But on the outside of this carefully tended vault of security was a screen door. The spring was partially broken, and the wood was slightly warped so that the door never really closed completely. The formerly white paint was dirty and peeling, and the screen had several holes. There was a rusty metal hook that almost fit into a matching rusty metal loop; the loop was loosely screwed into the door frame, and I guess we pretended it was an impenetrable lock.
When the kitchen got hot from cooking, my mom would open the solid sturdy door so air could get in through the screen door. Apparently, the bugs and outside noise were also ushered in along with the fresh air. I developed amazingly fast reflexes and became adept with a fly swatter. The screen door was never replaced until I had grown up and moved out, even though I think the ongoing plan had always been to “replace it soon”.
Now I have my own house, and there are so many things I need to keep secure and safe. My husband and I were not only raising children; we had our own things that were precious to us. Now, years later, I still want to protect my home and everything in it, but I have discovered that I tend to forget about protecting my heart and mind. How many of us think that we are taking conscientious care of our hearts, but that first line of protection is filled with holes and weak spots that we intend to fix “soon”? We are carefully polishing up the beautiful brass lock on our inner door by doing the “right” things, being kind, helping wherever we can, and being socially and politically aware, but that first entrance into our heart and mind is full of holes and weak spots, like the screen door. Sometimes a hole is not staying faithful in the face of trauma or disappointment, sometimes it’s not standing by our convictions for fear of not being like by others, other times it’s a flicker of anger or resentment that we fan into a huge flame before getting help. Whatever the bugs and outside noises are, they first get into our minds, and then our hearts, which is the part of us that’s where we actually dwell, becomes infested. What we eventually perceive as normal and right has been a subtle and slow build-up of negative and destructive things that have eroded our God-given creativity, our perspective, even our ability to connect with each other.
Earlier today, while I was making my bed, I saw a large bug crawling up the curtain at my bedroom window. I believe this kind of monster is called a stinkbug, and apparently, its name is appropriate. I have no idea how it got into my house; I had not left any windows or doors open, but that’s the point; I was unaware. Somehow it got in, and I had to get rid of it because of the essence it could leave. I think it’s like the skunk of the bug family; it’s almost impossible to get rid of the odor. When we allow bugs into our hearts and minds, the thoughts multiply and intensify, and it’s really hard to get them out!
We are in a new season, and we are all wanting a change in some aspect of our lives, whether a physical change, emotional change, social change . . .whatever. We need to be aware of where the stinkbugs find the tiny entrances into our hearts and minds. Past disappointments, anger, trauma, and resentment, even boredom can become the focus of what could otherwise be a beautiful, fulfilling life. I love looking out my window with its beautiful curtains, but all I was able to look at was that disgusting bug until I got rid of it.
There is a very good reason that God said, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” -Proverbs 4:23. We cannot blame our circumstances for how we think, act, or behave; the state of our heart is often revealed because of our circumstances. But we can choose to guard our heart and keep the screen door in good repair.
Check it often.
Grace Notes 