On the last day of school, the mom of one of the kids in my preschool class told me that she knew her five-year-old son was loved and felt very secure at school, because he smelled like my perfume when he came home every day. She had evidence of where he had been and who had been around him. It made me wonder what else lingers on us that reveals where we have been. What influences from other people have become a part of who we are? What have we left with other people?
We all know that small children are like little sponges in what they remember and what they hear and repeat. At the beginning of the school year in September, there were two little four-year-olds in the class who did not speak English. By the time school was done at the end of May, they had not only learned to speak English fluently, but they managed to pick up some slang and a few mannerisms along the way. They obviously spent a lot of time around teachers and friends in their class.
Once kids become adults, learning foreign languages (or anything else!) may not come as easily and naturally. Adults choose what they want to learn and retain. Parents of teenagers are all too aware of what dangerous influences their kids can fall prey to and who they choose to imitate. Parents of young children feel responsible when their child throws a tantrum in public, and then they’re thrilled and breathe a huge sigh of relief when another mom says, “Your child is SO polite and well behaved at our house!” That made me think…there are some things that we absorb without even trying or realizing it, like an attitude, or even our demeanor.
So, who are you reflecting and what are you picking up in your everyday life? Whose attitudes, habits, or even personality are you beginning to resemble and pass on to others? Family members don’t just look like each other. Mannerisms and habits often reveal familial connections, accents in speech give away where someone grew up—so many things can show how people are linked to each other.
There are also clues that show what someone’s priorities are. There are attributes and qualities that show where someone derives their strength and what and who has formed their character. We try to say the “right” things in a job interview or when meeting someone new for the first time—things we think the other person wants to hear. But once we spend a fair amount of time with someone, the true priorities and personality can’t stay hidden forever. People will eventually discover the real person underneath, especially when there’s a conflict. People can easily tell what a person’s primary influence is by the way they handle a problem.
If we need to change our behavior when we’re around people we want to impress, maybe it’s time to evaluate what truly matters to us when we’re alone. Maybe we don’t want to impress anyone; maybe we don’t want people to see who we really are. Maybe our priorities are giving us away. That can be good, that can be bad!
For eons, parents of adolescents have been concerned with who their teens are hanging out with, and which friends will be a good or bad influence. Down to the middle school or even younger, the kids want to be known by who they associate with. They want to be in the “cool” crowd. The Bible says, “Don’t befriend angry people or associate with hot tempered people, or you will learn to be like them.” (Proverbs 22:24-25), and “Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm” (Proverbs 13:20).
I guess it boils down to a couple of questions: Can people tell who we spend our time with based on the “fragrance” that lingers on us? Are we passing down an influential “fragrance” of integrity, kindness, and strong character to someone else in a way that we want perpetuated?
Dance on.
Grace Notes 